Procrstination and other dumb things i do

So i have finals next week. I also have about 4 papers to write, but did i do that today? No. Although, i do have a very good excuse, the monitor on my computer died last night, so i had to find a new one. Luckily i didn't have to buy one, Holly's mom and little bro saved me by having a spare one. Yipee.

I also finally decided it might be a good idea to get my tires rotated (first time in almost 2 years of owning the car). Needless to say i had to buy new tires today. Only two thankfully but honestly, why do i always wait to do things that i know for ages that i need to be doing.

Speeking of that i should probably be planning a Relief Society lesson right about now, since oh i need to teach it tomorrow. Yeah i am a slacker.

You can't go back

This weekend i went on a short roadtrip to rexburg. It is amazing how much it is the same, and yet so different. Maybe it is exactly the same as it used to be, i have just changed. That is probably it. I was a very different person while i was there, and i am greatful for the things that i learned at Ricks/BYU-I that have helped me to become who i am today, but i wouldn't go back. No thank you.

On another note i am one step closer to getting the business going. Slopers are now in my posession. Yipee. Send out the word. Flarah Bridal is ready for business.

Eye Color

So this weekend i was told that my eyes are the color of stale sinus infection buggers. Most people just call it green.

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

Why didn't I see it a year and a half ago? My timing sucks.

Everybody's Changing and I don't feel the same

This phrase of song speaks volumes. Have you ever noticed that everyone around you is changing and, because of this you don't know where you fit. I have felt this way a lot lately. I don't know why, i just do. Sometimes i think that in the midst of our changing, we forget who we once were and deviate so far from that person, that it is hard to fit in those who knew you before. Why do we do this? Is it to block out those who care about us? Or is this new person who we really are, and before we were hiding it? Or do we deliberately change in order to pull away from those who we don't want to know anymore?

Smile and nodd

Two things that have received this response this week.

Everyone i work with feeling the need to find me a man and the boy in the car next to me who is obviously checking me out, honestly no need to drive the exact same speed as me the whole time i am on north temple.

Really i am flattered that people think i would have a good time with these people they know, but i am starting to wonder if i have desperate stamped across my forehead. I don't think that i do. Maybe it is because i am 24, single, and LDS, that makes all these women feel that they need to get me married, apparently my ovaries are starting to shrivle. Tw0 years ago i was told i needed to get married becasue Heaven is starting to run out of babies. Oh well i will just have to chance it. Honestly I think that we need to hire another single girl (sans boyfriend) to help balance out this onslaught.

And for you Mr. Blazer, thank you for making my day. I felt that i truely looked like poo yesterday,( greasy hair and my glasses never allow me to feel cute) and that just made me happy, but after a little minute of i started to get a little creeped out. Watch the road, not me thank you. Hitting my car is not going to cause you to win any points. So drive on.

Crossing things off?

I am about to cross off two of my biggest goals on my list. Find a job i actually enjoy, and find my passion, becasue these two are entwined.

A frined of mine from Ricks, with whom i currently work, and I are going to start a business. We have realized that we hate our jobs and could be doing so much more. Right now we are still in planning mode, but wait a little bit and soon we will be out full force. Unfortunately i will not be leaving my other job for at least a year probably. I need the insurance and the steady income, so stick out sewing hell for one more year, then my retirement will be vested and they can't take it form me, and it will give us time to really get things going.

This is a step i have always wanted to do, and now it is finally being realized. I am so excited and yet still so scared, becasue what if i fail? What if no one likes our designs? What if we can't do it? I know that I have the talents and abilities to do something great, but i am still worried. It is normal to second guess your abilities right?

Our main focus is going to be temple ready wedding gowns and modest formal wear, becasue they are needed and there is a market for them here in Utah. And when we say temple ready we mean ones that will work with every type, not just a specific one as so many of the dresses are designed now.

Well wish me luck. Oh and feel free to throw out some name ideas. We are still working on that.

This year I will...

get to know mr. gym again
believe in my own talents and abilities
continue to grow
know my limits
not be affraid to let people in, even though it may hurt
find work that i truely enjoy
focus on others more than on myself
stand up for myself
not be manipulated
trust my instincts
study hard
have fun
be myself without regaurd to what others may think of me
live fully
be happy
have no regrets
not buy so many clothes (unless of course getting to know mr gym necessitates)
find my passion
be organized
save money
get centered
get to know myself

Dating Etiquette #1

If you are going to ask a girl out, HAVE A PLAN! I don't want to have to have a long conversation about what we should do. Have a plan before you call! Honestly, it would be a whole lot easier for both parties.

Back to school, back to school. Prove to dad that i'm not a fool...

AHH the scholarly escapades have begun again. Another semester, another 4 months of classes. Another 4 months of crazy business. The joys of school. Actually i am not dreading this semseter to much. My classes seem decent, and although one professor seems like a bit of a nut job, i have had the other 2 before and enjoy them. I know people in my classes which is always a bonus and that will help the time pass, and keep the gpa up where it has been, (than you very much mr. banker boy). The one thing that really keeps me going though, is knowing that one day i will finish and no longer have to work in sewing hell!

Happy Days

Why am i so interested in Ron Howard? Honestly what truely amazing thing has he done? I mean it is Oppie. Honestly what is so appealing about Oppie? Just a red headed little kid who is kind of goofy. That is it. Some how i have become interested in his work. I don't get it. Can some one explain what is so fascinating about Oppie please. I just don't understand the sudden draw to him I am sure it will fade soon. There are only so many times you cna watch happy days and american graffiti before you are just bored with it all. Maybe if he did someting new that would be good. Give the incentive to remain in the fan club, cause right now i am thinking of rescinding my membership.

Dean's List?

How is it possible that i have made the dean's list the last three semesters? It should pretty much just be impossible, and at any other college it would be, cause i am about the biggest slacker on the planet. You should not get A's in classes when you are making up your speech as you give it, honestly. I swear i am in a glorified high school, no actually i think that my high school may have bee harder than this is. yahoo for the dean's list, and yahoo for LDSBH.

D-D-DEFENSE

I am back on defense again. I have to gaurd what i have gotten this far. Why? I don't know. And who am i gaurding? I don't really care to share that, but it is hard and will take a lot of work. I will not let my defences down this time. I am ready. I know where the assault is likely to come from and what needs to be done to stop it. I have played this game before and know all the tricks. I will stand my ground. I will be the champion of this battle. Watch out cause my game is on and i am not willing to let you get through this time. You will not score on 4th down, you will not even be in feild goal range. My line can hold and my offense is strong. Sorry. Deal with it. That is how it is, it wasn't my decision, it was yours.

Favorite things...

Sorry Holly but i had to. Today a friend asked me what was my favorite thing about Christmas. I said spending time with my family, but really it is spending time with these two little ones. Children are so much fun! They have so much energy and when they aren't yours, you can spoil them, then give them back to mom and not have to worry about it. Plus my little niece is just the cutest thing in the world! I got to go bowling with them, and play games, (i killed my entire family at harry potter scene it) watching them open prestents and pull things out of their stockings, these are a few of my favorite things.

29 HOURS!!!!!

29 hours and then i will be home! Yipee! I am quite excited about that. I will get to spend a glorious 6 days withthe family and then come back here. I am most excited because tomorrow is my nephew's 8th birthday. This is very exciting. We are hoping that he will be able to be baptized this week while we are all home. Unluckily for me though my mother forgot to inform me that I get to give a little talk on the Holy Ghost. Thankfully i have an older sister who tells me the stuff that my mother thinks she has already told me so i am not completely in the dark.

OOH and another happy thought is that i don't have to be to work until 8 tomorrow morning. 2 hours more sleep for me cause i decided to make up 2 hours over the last 2 days. AHH i love to sleep!

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

This quote comes from Ghandi. He was really on to something. If we want the world to be a better place, don't we inturn have to become better people.

I have been thinking a lot latley. There are so many things in this world that break my heart and i have often thought, what difference can i make. I am just one little person. No one will care what i am trying to do. But herein lies the problem. If we don't think that our actions will matter and that no one cares what one little person is doing, then we are all doomed. It take just one person to set an example for others and, sometimes just one bad experience to make some one turn from the truth. So today let's all try to "be the change [we] want to see in the world" in our own little sphere's and who knows maybe one day it will happen on a much larger scale.

Home for the Holiday's...Not Quite

As we all gather together this year to celebrate thanksgiving with our families, i will be having a new experience. Fot the first time in my 24 years i will not be able to spend this holiday with my family. I am going to be sharing it with Ella's (a woman from work) family. I really didn't expect it to be so hard when i decided that i couldn't go home a month ago, but this week has proven to be more difficult than i had ever planned. I am not one to get homesick, at least not in the last 12 years, but as i sat in institute on tuesday night, and listend to our teacher talk of God's Country (Glacier National Park) and flathead lake and the loons and the beauty that is western montana i wanted to cry and leave right then for the big sky. I miss my home and my family but i wasn't expecting this type of reaction. I am a big girl. I haven't lived in missoula for 6 years. I manage to be fine on easter and the fourth of july. Why is thanksgiving any different? It shouldn't be. It is just a day. Another day that people spend with their families, but people always are spending time with their families on other random days throughout the year, so why does this day bother me so much? Well I am trying not to let it. I will put on my big girl panties and smile and go have a meal with a family i have never met and hope that i am not infinging on their time.

So this year i have realized how incredibly grateful for my family i really am. Family is so important to me. Last night i was pained by a friend that said he wasn't looking forward to spending the day with his family. I just wanted to hit him. He is spending the day with those who love him and will always be there for him. How is this bad? I don't mean to make this into a sob story, but honestly, i was so confused at how he could say that. I know that i have my friends here and that they all love me and for that I am so thankful and love them all dearly, but it is just not the same. Don't feel sorry for me. I am looking forward to spending the day with Ella and family. She says i need to meet her son. That could be fun. She is a great woman and is very caring and I am so appreciative of the invite.

To all of you Happy Thanksgiving. Rejoice in the many blessings that you have been given this day as you spend it with those you care for, who ever they may be.

Hey Foxymophandelmama. that's me

"First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him. Because of this divine heritage you, along with all of your spiritual sisters and brothers, have full equality in His sight and are empowered through obedience to become a rightful heir in His eternal kingdom, an "[heir] of God, and joint-[heir] with Christ." Seek to comprehend the significance of these doctrines. Everything Christ taught He taught to women as well as men. Indeed, in the restored light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman, including a young woman, occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator. You are, as Elder James E. Talmage once phrased it, "a sanctified investiture which none shall dare profane."
-Elder Jeffrey R Holland

I have decided to believe that i am absolutely fabulous. People see us as what we want them to see us as, so if we think that we are intimidating, then they think that as well, if we think that we are un approachable, then we probably are. I have decided that i truly am a goddess and why should i hide it? I am smart, funny, and dang hot, so why should I not think that I am a true goddess?

Sorry if this seems a little off, but tonight i was reminded of the divinity of womanhood as i read Elder Holland's talk from general conference and was reminded again that I am a daughter of God and i am loved for who i am and who i will become and I was profoundly impacted by it.

This talk also reminded me of a talk given in our sacrament meeting a few months ago, about being divinely feminine, and respecting the divinley feminine. There are so many in this world, male and female, who do not respect this femininity as they should. I feel that all women should be treated the same, with respect and gentleness, not just those who seem to need it. Even the strong and independent woman wants to be treated with gentleness and dignity. In fact, we may need it more, because soemthing needs to keep us from getting too hardened

So to all of you out there chivalry isn't dead, please treat us with respect and realize that a true gentleman treats all women the same, from your mother, to your girlfriend, to the little girl down the street and the random lady next to you on the bus.

Somewhere In Between

So I thought that i should post cause it has been many moon's (well actually not even a full moon), since my last post. But as i sat here trying to think of something to write, i really have nothing. I mean there i a lot i could say, but where would it get me? Not any place new. Just to places i have been in the past and that i don't feel like returning to right now. I could complain about my crazy schedual right now, about the horrible rush of fast approaching deadlines, finals in one month, and trauma's in my personal life, but i just don't want to. SO... i hope you are all fabulous, I am working on it. Have a lovely day.

I have been physically abused in the ear. I'm Deef!

So today I think that I may have fallen asleep during my mandatory hearing test. Luckily it wasn't for long and I still managed to pass the test in the normal range although there is one tone that was much higher than the others. Oh well.

On a similar topic, how often do we often listen to each other. I mean really listen and hear what isn't being said behind what is. I know that I am horrible at that. There are many times where I have failed to be receptive to the things I am being told. I think that I find it easier to ignore the nonverbal clues and feign ignorance than to actually have to admit I have noticed the deeper meaning, or that I have known all along what is going on. I am very selfish in this aspect. I expect people to notice all that I am saying, and yet don't find myself doing the same. I realized this today. It was brought to my attetion while recalling a conversation that I had recently with a friend. I wanted everything that I was trying to convey to be noticed and yet I am not sure that I was willing to listen to everything he was saying. Emotions are funny that way. I did listen, and I think that I got the point, but it makes me wonder how often I have missed out on the important things that are not being said because of my own selfish desires to not have to be troubled by other people's opinions. That is horrible.