Favorite things...

Sorry Holly but i had to. Today a friend asked me what was my favorite thing about Christmas. I said spending time with my family, but really it is spending time with these two little ones. Children are so much fun! They have so much energy and when they aren't yours, you can spoil them, then give them back to mom and not have to worry about it. Plus my little niece is just the cutest thing in the world! I got to go bowling with them, and play games, (i killed my entire family at harry potter scene it) watching them open prestents and pull things out of their stockings, these are a few of my favorite things.

29 HOURS!!!!!

29 hours and then i will be home! Yipee! I am quite excited about that. I will get to spend a glorious 6 days withthe family and then come back here. I am most excited because tomorrow is my nephew's 8th birthday. This is very exciting. We are hoping that he will be able to be baptized this week while we are all home. Unluckily for me though my mother forgot to inform me that I get to give a little talk on the Holy Ghost. Thankfully i have an older sister who tells me the stuff that my mother thinks she has already told me so i am not completely in the dark.

OOH and another happy thought is that i don't have to be to work until 8 tomorrow morning. 2 hours more sleep for me cause i decided to make up 2 hours over the last 2 days. AHH i love to sleep!

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

This quote comes from Ghandi. He was really on to something. If we want the world to be a better place, don't we inturn have to become better people.

I have been thinking a lot latley. There are so many things in this world that break my heart and i have often thought, what difference can i make. I am just one little person. No one will care what i am trying to do. But herein lies the problem. If we don't think that our actions will matter and that no one cares what one little person is doing, then we are all doomed. It take just one person to set an example for others and, sometimes just one bad experience to make some one turn from the truth. So today let's all try to "be the change [we] want to see in the world" in our own little sphere's and who knows maybe one day it will happen on a much larger scale.

Home for the Holiday's...Not Quite

As we all gather together this year to celebrate thanksgiving with our families, i will be having a new experience. Fot the first time in my 24 years i will not be able to spend this holiday with my family. I am going to be sharing it with Ella's (a woman from work) family. I really didn't expect it to be so hard when i decided that i couldn't go home a month ago, but this week has proven to be more difficult than i had ever planned. I am not one to get homesick, at least not in the last 12 years, but as i sat in institute on tuesday night, and listend to our teacher talk of God's Country (Glacier National Park) and flathead lake and the loons and the beauty that is western montana i wanted to cry and leave right then for the big sky. I miss my home and my family but i wasn't expecting this type of reaction. I am a big girl. I haven't lived in missoula for 6 years. I manage to be fine on easter and the fourth of july. Why is thanksgiving any different? It shouldn't be. It is just a day. Another day that people spend with their families, but people always are spending time with their families on other random days throughout the year, so why does this day bother me so much? Well I am trying not to let it. I will put on my big girl panties and smile and go have a meal with a family i have never met and hope that i am not infinging on their time.

So this year i have realized how incredibly grateful for my family i really am. Family is so important to me. Last night i was pained by a friend that said he wasn't looking forward to spending the day with his family. I just wanted to hit him. He is spending the day with those who love him and will always be there for him. How is this bad? I don't mean to make this into a sob story, but honestly, i was so confused at how he could say that. I know that i have my friends here and that they all love me and for that I am so thankful and love them all dearly, but it is just not the same. Don't feel sorry for me. I am looking forward to spending the day with Ella and family. She says i need to meet her son. That could be fun. She is a great woman and is very caring and I am so appreciative of the invite.

To all of you Happy Thanksgiving. Rejoice in the many blessings that you have been given this day as you spend it with those you care for, who ever they may be.

Hey Foxymophandelmama. that's me

"First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him. Because of this divine heritage you, along with all of your spiritual sisters and brothers, have full equality in His sight and are empowered through obedience to become a rightful heir in His eternal kingdom, an "[heir] of God, and joint-[heir] with Christ." Seek to comprehend the significance of these doctrines. Everything Christ taught He taught to women as well as men. Indeed, in the restored light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman, including a young woman, occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator. You are, as Elder James E. Talmage once phrased it, "a sanctified investiture which none shall dare profane."
-Elder Jeffrey R Holland

I have decided to believe that i am absolutely fabulous. People see us as what we want them to see us as, so if we think that we are intimidating, then they think that as well, if we think that we are un approachable, then we probably are. I have decided that i truly am a goddess and why should i hide it? I am smart, funny, and dang hot, so why should I not think that I am a true goddess?

Sorry if this seems a little off, but tonight i was reminded of the divinity of womanhood as i read Elder Holland's talk from general conference and was reminded again that I am a daughter of God and i am loved for who i am and who i will become and I was profoundly impacted by it.

This talk also reminded me of a talk given in our sacrament meeting a few months ago, about being divinely feminine, and respecting the divinley feminine. There are so many in this world, male and female, who do not respect this femininity as they should. I feel that all women should be treated the same, with respect and gentleness, not just those who seem to need it. Even the strong and independent woman wants to be treated with gentleness and dignity. In fact, we may need it more, because soemthing needs to keep us from getting too hardened

So to all of you out there chivalry isn't dead, please treat us with respect and realize that a true gentleman treats all women the same, from your mother, to your girlfriend, to the little girl down the street and the random lady next to you on the bus.

Somewhere In Between

So I thought that i should post cause it has been many moon's (well actually not even a full moon), since my last post. But as i sat here trying to think of something to write, i really have nothing. I mean there i a lot i could say, but where would it get me? Not any place new. Just to places i have been in the past and that i don't feel like returning to right now. I could complain about my crazy schedual right now, about the horrible rush of fast approaching deadlines, finals in one month, and trauma's in my personal life, but i just don't want to. SO... i hope you are all fabulous, I am working on it. Have a lovely day.

I have been physically abused in the ear. I'm Deef!

So today I think that I may have fallen asleep during my mandatory hearing test. Luckily it wasn't for long and I still managed to pass the test in the normal range although there is one tone that was much higher than the others. Oh well.

On a similar topic, how often do we often listen to each other. I mean really listen and hear what isn't being said behind what is. I know that I am horrible at that. There are many times where I have failed to be receptive to the things I am being told. I think that I find it easier to ignore the nonverbal clues and feign ignorance than to actually have to admit I have noticed the deeper meaning, or that I have known all along what is going on. I am very selfish in this aspect. I expect people to notice all that I am saying, and yet don't find myself doing the same. I realized this today. It was brought to my attetion while recalling a conversation that I had recently with a friend. I wanted everything that I was trying to convey to be noticed and yet I am not sure that I was willing to listen to everything he was saying. Emotions are funny that way. I did listen, and I think that I got the point, but it makes me wonder how often I have missed out on the important things that are not being said because of my own selfish desires to not have to be troubled by other people's opinions. That is horrible.

You're Replaceable?

We all have insecurities that have been rooted in to our personalities, and some times they are a detriment to our social well being. I have plenty of my own, and i am trying to work them out. Where these insecurities come from is any one's guess. Maybe they come from our parents, maybe they come from barbie, maybe they come from being burned one to many times, maybe they come from the adversary. The source differs for each of us, but we mus realize that it is just that. An insecurity that is probably not based in any logic. Life can be crappy at times and we can either deal with it and choose to be happy, or deal with it and make a complete ass out of ourselves in the process.

Question!

As I was sitting in my institute class last night, I realized I just recieved my answer. I have had several questions lately that I have wanted answered, and all of them, except one, had been answered, and then last night, as we were listening to a lecture on Doctrine & Covenants 25, the answer came to me. It amazes me that I can recieve answers. I am suprised every time that they come, and yet, I know that they shouldn't, that I should know that they are coming, but still, to told so plainly...Maybe I should ask more questions, but I am affraid that I will be pestering. I should be content with the answers that have been given to me, but I want more. I have been told amazing things, and still I want to be told more. Is that wrong? I don't think so. It is only natural to seek guidance when we are concerned, confused, or hurting. But what about when we are happy, content, and growing? Is it wrong to want more when things are going so well? When I have been given so much already?

Help Wanted

Now accepting applications for a skilled laborer. Part-flex time position, with potential to go full time in the future. High yeilding, low turnover, great benefits. Will not work around other jobs, but flexible with schooling.

I'm a happy girl

I was just realizing how happy i really am. I have a great life. My friends are fabulous, i am happy with the direction i am headed. I know that there are loads of things that i still need to work on, but overall, i am happy. Life is good. I know that i am an amazing person and that i have some great things in store for me. Ahh, life is good.

I'm moving on

There are times in our lives when we have to decided what is really going to be best for us. The right path, the left path, the middle path, or why even bother making the decision I will sit here forever and not go anywhere. I am at this point right now.

For too long I have been sitting and waiting for things to happen to me. I don't want to make a choice because it is scary and things will have to change once I have chosen my new path. Life will take us where we let it, and right now I think I am letting it take me no where, so I am moving on.

I have let thing fester for to long, allowed them to make me bitter and hard. To put me in a horrible mood when I could just have easily been happy. For that I am sorry to all of you who have had to suffer through this with me, but just so you know, I am breaking free of the chains that have been holding me to this spot for so long. I am moving on.

It is scary to think that things are changing and, yet exciting at the same time. I know that I may be falling for a little bit, but there will always be someone there to lift me back up and to help me when I need it.

I have to change myself in order for this all to work properly, and I am sorry if this places us in different areanas. I hope that I distance no one, but I worry it may happen. For my own sanity and peace of mind, I may have to leave you. I don't want to, but it needs to happen. I am moving on.

Shark Bait

After the most fabulous vacation ever it is terribly hard to go back to work. I should have just stayed in Mexico. I have my "shark bite" to deal with. That shark has really sharp teeth and now i am being referred to a hand surgeon, because i have done so much dammage to it that my doctors thinks it may need surgery. Fabulous. I really just want to go home and take my Lorrie Taylors and sleep, but no, i have to endure another hour and a half of class, and only on ibuprophen that doesn't really help the pain for long. On the plus side, i can't sew right now, so i don't have to learn to make the horrible men's one peices. happy day. Oh and typing, not so easy with giant finger brace, it gets in the way, and it hurts if i forget and try to use it.

Vocab Lesson

Ceteris Paribus: the assumption of nothing else changing. This phrase has been very prevalent in my Microeconomics text. I think that i need to learn to use this in my life. I need to stop assuming that it will change. Assuming that this will stop, is a little asinine, because it has come to my attention that it will not.

It is obvious that there are somethings that just cannot be changed. We cannot change some one else's behavior. We cannot change the rain to sun. All that we can do is to ride out the storm and hope for the best in the end. It will be over soon. Things will be different when the cloud moves on.

Can i just say that i hate having a class during the day. Why is it that there are so many boys concerned with being pretty? Why do girls think it is good to be taupe? I really don't get any of this at all. At least i find comfort in knowing that at least in one of my classes there is banker boy. He was in several classes with me last semseter and is at least an intelligent person. this makes classes much more bearable right?

All i have to say is girls use your brains! It is ok to to be intelligent and want to accomplish things in your life, even if your ultimate goal is to get married, that is mine, yet i am not just sitting around pretending to be stupid, waiting for the first boy to come along. And boys, honestly, it is sad when you are prettier than most of the girls on campus. Be men, not wussy whiny little metro's.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Hypocrite: somebody who gives a false appearance of having admirable principles, beliefs, or feelings

Don't you hate hypocrisy? I know that I do.

Mortar and Brick

So, I build walls. Nice tall ones that very few people can get over. I keep invaders away with these walls. Very few people have really been able to penetrate my walls. On the rare occurance I let some one over the walls, and into my world, I offer more trust than you may realize. When trust is broken I have a handy dandy catapult that will shoot very far, and i immediatly start to build that wall a little higher, and remind myself not to be so foolish in letting people in. When i see some one approaching the top of my wall I go into defense mode and start to through everything i can at them, inorder to drive them away, they cannot be so close. I like my walls. They keep me gaurded and safe, within these walls i can not be hurt, or so i thought. I have realized that these walls are not that good at keeping me from being hurt. I think that they my actually be aiding in some of the hurt. If i continue building these walls the only one i will be hurting is me.

I realized this yesterday while sitting in the temple. I was just sitting and thinking i don't want to go. Here i am safe. There is nothing that can hurt me if i just never leave. I can curl up on this couch and sleep and never have to deal with any of the pain anymore. Then i realized that i would still be hurting. I would be stopping myself from progressing and would be dening myself all of the blessings God is waiting to give me. I can no longer hide from the world behind my walls. They are stopping me, not helping me, because, sure, no one can get in, but it is awfully hard for me to get out as well. So i am going to start taking down these walls, it may take a while they are very tall, and very strong. But brick by brick i am going to remove them. Be patient with me.

Have you ever

had one of those days when you know that everything is going to be ok, and even though nothing has been resolved anywhere, you are ok with it and know that you are just fine.? In fact so fine that you just start crying for no reason at all, sure most people would think that when you are crying there is obviously something wrong, but nope, all is well.

Can I Have that Back!

Have you ever wanted to undo something so badly because you know that it is just going to be misinterpreted and misunderstood, because of the time in which it was recieved. Not knowing what the outcome may be is scary, but oh well, move on. It probably needs to be out in the open anyway, and now it is, however innocent and unrelated the message was to something else going on at the time, but taken in the context of that time frame makes complete sense and explains a lot, but it wasn't meant to happen at that time becasue one didn't realize what was going on when the message was given. Now it shed a whole new light on what is really going on internally, and that, my friends, is so scary, things will definintly change and there is no stopping it becasue it needs to happen, and loud as the wish of containment screams "Get that back. Make it as though it never happened!" you can't. What is done is done.

I love...

1. Seeing the sunrise (odd since I am not a mornign person)
2. Being on time for work so I leave on time and not have to feel like I am detention and everyone else is going to go have fun.(it is a rare occurance)
3. Pink, but pretty much everone knows that by now.
4. My new canopy
5. That my adorable niece named her new kitten "Puppy"(she not even 2 so it is ok)
6. Hot weather
7. The smell of hot tar on a road in the summer
8. Flip-flops
9. The Gospel
10. My family
11. Shoes
12. My chipmunk laugh that only comes out when I am silly tired.
13. That in one week I will be driving to Montana, probably in about Idaho Falls at this time.
14. Painting houses
15. laying in the sunshine
16. Rivers(floating down them in tubes)
17. The Temple
18. My good friends
19. Flowers(really what girl doesn't)
20. Getting lost in a book.
21. Sunsets
22. Thunder storms
23. Mountains covered with pine trees
24. The Bears
25. Football, in general
26. Cherry Popsicles