Smile!

I have had a great day. Well actually. it started last night and I just can't seem to stop smiling. Ahhh, sometimes things go great!

Filter? What Filter?

Sometimes I say things before I really think and it can get me into a lot of trouble. Today was one of those days. It was at this time that it was implied that I am not willing to take risks to try and get what I want.

That is so true.

I have never been one who was willing to open up and take the risk of being hurt or disappointed for everyone to see, so I do nothing. It is not good. I know that there are loads of things that I should just try, even once, but I am too affriad, too proud, to let myself. I find it demeaning to do some things. I hate looking stupid in front of people. For a long time I felt that my intelligence was the only thing I had to offer to people, and even that wasn't enough, so I have a fear of people thinking I am dumb, because it reverts back to me not having anything at all to offer to anyone.

I know that this is a bit crazy, and that I am far beyond where I was at that point of my life, but still, I don't know how to overcome it. I know what I need to do , but I can't. Iknow what I should to say, but I just can't bring myself to do it. .

Wedded Bliss

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend the wedding of a dear friend from my high school days. It had been years since I had seen her. It is amazing to me how everything seemed so much the same, and yet we all knew that we had changed so much.

I will never forget the seeing the tears that came from the eyes of the bride and her mother when they saw us come in, the disbelief in who was standing there in front of them, and the joy that we could travel such distances for her. Swan, I know you will probably never read this but, I am so thankful for our friendship, and you looked beautiful, as always.

The Perfect Dress

Thanks to Cellular, or at least I am pretty sure it is her, I have my first customer! I am a little nervous though, this girl is willing to pay me a lot of money to make her dress! I hope I don't disappoint.

Repairs are hard!

Secret Smile? Not so much a secret any more because of...

Not killing your GPA like you thought you would
Sunny Days
Circus Animal Cookies
Dinner with the HT
Abba and Madonna back to back on jim
Purple Pants
Sleep
My nephew, 8, insisting it is ok to wrestle his 2 year old sister if he "takes it easy on her"
Long talks with grandma
Jim and Pam
Becoming DFD free!
Sequined shoes
My Mom
Friendships with sisters
Late night talks with Mantis, Holly, and Cass
3 1/2" Heels
The feel of grass between my toes
Cellular's Laugh
the Parkway
Searingly handsome
Vacations to look forward to
Summertime
Flowers
Jack Johnson
Knowing of God's love for me
Never really being alone

Procrstination and other dumb things i do

So i have finals next week. I also have about 4 papers to write, but did i do that today? No. Although, i do have a very good excuse, the monitor on my computer died last night, so i had to find a new one. Luckily i didn't have to buy one, Holly's mom and little bro saved me by having a spare one. Yipee.

I also finally decided it might be a good idea to get my tires rotated (first time in almost 2 years of owning the car). Needless to say i had to buy new tires today. Only two thankfully but honestly, why do i always wait to do things that i know for ages that i need to be doing.

Speeking of that i should probably be planning a Relief Society lesson right about now, since oh i need to teach it tomorrow. Yeah i am a slacker.

You can't go back

This weekend i went on a short roadtrip to rexburg. It is amazing how much it is the same, and yet so different. Maybe it is exactly the same as it used to be, i have just changed. That is probably it. I was a very different person while i was there, and i am greatful for the things that i learned at Ricks/BYU-I that have helped me to become who i am today, but i wouldn't go back. No thank you.

On another note i am one step closer to getting the business going. Slopers are now in my posession. Yipee. Send out the word. Flarah Bridal is ready for business.

Eye Color

So this weekend i was told that my eyes are the color of stale sinus infection buggers. Most people just call it green.

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

Why didn't I see it a year and a half ago? My timing sucks.

Everybody's Changing and I don't feel the same

This phrase of song speaks volumes. Have you ever noticed that everyone around you is changing and, because of this you don't know where you fit. I have felt this way a lot lately. I don't know why, i just do. Sometimes i think that in the midst of our changing, we forget who we once were and deviate so far from that person, that it is hard to fit in those who knew you before. Why do we do this? Is it to block out those who care about us? Or is this new person who we really are, and before we were hiding it? Or do we deliberately change in order to pull away from those who we don't want to know anymore?

Smile and nodd

Two things that have received this response this week.

Everyone i work with feeling the need to find me a man and the boy in the car next to me who is obviously checking me out, honestly no need to drive the exact same speed as me the whole time i am on north temple.

Really i am flattered that people think i would have a good time with these people they know, but i am starting to wonder if i have desperate stamped across my forehead. I don't think that i do. Maybe it is because i am 24, single, and LDS, that makes all these women feel that they need to get me married, apparently my ovaries are starting to shrivle. Tw0 years ago i was told i needed to get married becasue Heaven is starting to run out of babies. Oh well i will just have to chance it. Honestly I think that we need to hire another single girl (sans boyfriend) to help balance out this onslaught.

And for you Mr. Blazer, thank you for making my day. I felt that i truely looked like poo yesterday,( greasy hair and my glasses never allow me to feel cute) and that just made me happy, but after a little minute of i started to get a little creeped out. Watch the road, not me thank you. Hitting my car is not going to cause you to win any points. So drive on.

Crossing things off?

I am about to cross off two of my biggest goals on my list. Find a job i actually enjoy, and find my passion, becasue these two are entwined.

A frined of mine from Ricks, with whom i currently work, and I are going to start a business. We have realized that we hate our jobs and could be doing so much more. Right now we are still in planning mode, but wait a little bit and soon we will be out full force. Unfortunately i will not be leaving my other job for at least a year probably. I need the insurance and the steady income, so stick out sewing hell for one more year, then my retirement will be vested and they can't take it form me, and it will give us time to really get things going.

This is a step i have always wanted to do, and now it is finally being realized. I am so excited and yet still so scared, becasue what if i fail? What if no one likes our designs? What if we can't do it? I know that I have the talents and abilities to do something great, but i am still worried. It is normal to second guess your abilities right?

Our main focus is going to be temple ready wedding gowns and modest formal wear, becasue they are needed and there is a market for them here in Utah. And when we say temple ready we mean ones that will work with every type, not just a specific one as so many of the dresses are designed now.

Well wish me luck. Oh and feel free to throw out some name ideas. We are still working on that.

This year I will...

get to know mr. gym again
believe in my own talents and abilities
continue to grow
know my limits
not be affraid to let people in, even though it may hurt
find work that i truely enjoy
focus on others more than on myself
stand up for myself
not be manipulated
trust my instincts
study hard
have fun
be myself without regaurd to what others may think of me
live fully
be happy
have no regrets
not buy so many clothes (unless of course getting to know mr gym necessitates)
find my passion
be organized
save money
get centered
get to know myself

Dating Etiquette #1

If you are going to ask a girl out, HAVE A PLAN! I don't want to have to have a long conversation about what we should do. Have a plan before you call! Honestly, it would be a whole lot easier for both parties.

Back to school, back to school. Prove to dad that i'm not a fool...

AHH the scholarly escapades have begun again. Another semester, another 4 months of classes. Another 4 months of crazy business. The joys of school. Actually i am not dreading this semseter to much. My classes seem decent, and although one professor seems like a bit of a nut job, i have had the other 2 before and enjoy them. I know people in my classes which is always a bonus and that will help the time pass, and keep the gpa up where it has been, (than you very much mr. banker boy). The one thing that really keeps me going though, is knowing that one day i will finish and no longer have to work in sewing hell!

Happy Days

Why am i so interested in Ron Howard? Honestly what truely amazing thing has he done? I mean it is Oppie. Honestly what is so appealing about Oppie? Just a red headed little kid who is kind of goofy. That is it. Some how i have become interested in his work. I don't get it. Can some one explain what is so fascinating about Oppie please. I just don't understand the sudden draw to him I am sure it will fade soon. There are only so many times you cna watch happy days and american graffiti before you are just bored with it all. Maybe if he did someting new that would be good. Give the incentive to remain in the fan club, cause right now i am thinking of rescinding my membership.

Dean's List?

How is it possible that i have made the dean's list the last three semesters? It should pretty much just be impossible, and at any other college it would be, cause i am about the biggest slacker on the planet. You should not get A's in classes when you are making up your speech as you give it, honestly. I swear i am in a glorified high school, no actually i think that my high school may have bee harder than this is. yahoo for the dean's list, and yahoo for LDSBH.

D-D-DEFENSE

I am back on defense again. I have to gaurd what i have gotten this far. Why? I don't know. And who am i gaurding? I don't really care to share that, but it is hard and will take a lot of work. I will not let my defences down this time. I am ready. I know where the assault is likely to come from and what needs to be done to stop it. I have played this game before and know all the tricks. I will stand my ground. I will be the champion of this battle. Watch out cause my game is on and i am not willing to let you get through this time. You will not score on 4th down, you will not even be in feild goal range. My line can hold and my offense is strong. Sorry. Deal with it. That is how it is, it wasn't my decision, it was yours.

Favorite things...

Sorry Holly but i had to. Today a friend asked me what was my favorite thing about Christmas. I said spending time with my family, but really it is spending time with these two little ones. Children are so much fun! They have so much energy and when they aren't yours, you can spoil them, then give them back to mom and not have to worry about it. Plus my little niece is just the cutest thing in the world! I got to go bowling with them, and play games, (i killed my entire family at harry potter scene it) watching them open prestents and pull things out of their stockings, these are a few of my favorite things.