Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Sewing is fun!

I love to create! I am having a serious itch to make me a fabulous
new dress for this weekend, but i don't think that i have the right
fabric to make it. I need a black cocktail dress, Audrey style. That
would be grand. Hmm i will have to go dig in the massive collection
of fabric i have acquired. And yes i do NEED it. I need something to
match my fabulous shoes.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Flirting 102

The saga continues, and just to clarify they have not told me to be
some one else, cause i am pretty sure i would have told them to go
straight to hell, just the best way to get them noticing the real you.

The lesson today is A.C.T.

A- Animated. Be animated when you are talking. don't jsut tell a
story, TELL A STORY! (This makes me feel like i might have to be a
bubble head, though i have been assured that i don't.)

C- Closeness. Eliminate any unnecessary distance. (so how much
distance is really necessary? i think that all depends on how atracted
you are to said individual)

T- Touch. Once again touch is vital. (this is touching not groping,
do not caress the pectoral and givee the nipple a little twist. Well
dan'g it all groping is what i am best at. I will just have to try to
contain myself.)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Flirting 101

First I hate my computer! It is a piece of Crap!

Anyway on with the real post.

For those of you who know me, it will come as no suprise when i say
that i, domestic goddess, cannot flirt. I am just not capable of
doing it. I think that i must have missed that day in school when
they taught all girls how to flirt, of i just got a big fat F in it
because i didn't feel like it applied to me. I have concluded that
the main reason i will not flit is that i find it demeaning. I think
that it will make me look stupid and that is not something that i
enjoy. upon learning this some wonderful women that i work with have
taken it upon themselves to teach me how to flirt. One of them in
particular, has decided tat she will be my personal tutor. I have
even been given homework already, which i am sure to put off until the
very last minute when i can endure the pestering no longer. I have
decided that i need to share these ittle "pearls of wisdom" withthe
rest of the world so that if there happen to be more pathetic souls
like myself out there, this will either make hem laugh or help them
out. So here are the first to days of lessons:

1. Men are like dogs, too much eye contact is seen as an act of
aggresion, Smile and briefly make eye contact, then look away
demurely. Is demurely even a real word? oh well, that is how i choose
to phrase it. deal with it.
(apparently i have been going at this all wrong by treatingmen like
human beings, silly me)

2. Competition between the two of you is a form of research to see how
he will take winning. Let him win the first game, if he is a cocky
jerk about it beat him soundly next time, if he is cute and
apologetic, let him win again, just not by as much this time.
(again, i have been going at this wrong. I am not someone who
likes to get beat. I will try to win, not let him win. I must do
better at this.)

3. Touch him on the elbow. this is the magic spot. (the Elbow?! O.K.
right. got it.)

4. Men like to appear needed. Make sure he knows you are the "weaker"
sex. (hey i need men to kill spiders, change my oil, tires and open
jars. I think that is a sufficient display of weakness thank you very

So there you have it. My first two days of lessons. WooHoo.

Monday, May 07, 2007

A period of mourning...

So after my 3 months of mourning i feel that i am now ready to enter back in to the the blogging world. I am so very sorry to all of those who have been missing the wisdom that spews forth from this page. Ha Ha. Now i am back so all of you can rest assured that there will continue to be a bunch of non-vital junk and rambling posted. Yay.