Wednesday, May 25, 2005

What A Girl Wants...

So does a girl, namely me, really know what She wants? I propose the answer of hell no! Lets take me for an example.

I meet boy. I think I would like to get to know boy, boy seems very nice. Boy cooks me dinner on Sunday. Then boy asks me out for Wednesday. Jeje and I carpool with boy to FHE. JRA points out "he is digging your show." Wednseday comes, once again boy cooks me dinner, boy opens my car doors, boy is a perfect gentleman, boy treats me like a princess, boy is very nice...but herein lies the problem. Boy is too nice. I see no spark of wickedness in boy at all. I need that spark. I need a boy to banter with, to take my sarcasm and not turn it into sugary sweet grossnesss, that makes me want to vomit.

So what is wrong with me? I get what I think I want and then realize that oh nope not so much. I always have said I need some one who will treat me like a princess, but when I actually find someone like that, hmm, not so much. Boy is super nice, but that is just it. That is all boy will be. Boy must be moved into friend zone. That is all there is to it.

See girls really don't know what they want, or at least in my case that is true. It't not that I want a boy who will be a jerk and treat me like crap, oh no, not at all, I do want a boy who will treat me well, but one who will also stand up to my sarcasm and through some right back at my face.

Sunday, May 22, 2005


I love the Gospel! It is amazing how much I feel my testimony grow at each of these events. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is an amazing gift that I have been given. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God and restored the church to the earth today. It is amazing to feel the gift of the Holy Ghost in my life. I love that i am able to feel the spirit when true principles are being taught, weather it be form our Bishop or just from an ordianary 20 something in the ward. Truth is universal and is so vital to our exsitance. I love the gospel! I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! I know that it is the true chruch and that God will work mighty miracles through his faithful saints. Just look at silent thunder's bog, if you have any question about the power the gospel has in the lives of every one around the world.

Thursday, May 05, 2005


We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families by Philip Gourevitch tells the story of Rwanda’s genocide in 1994 and the efforts to rebuild. As I read this book I was struck with awe at how in the world in which we live, this was allowed to happen. Prior to reading this book I went to see the movie Hotel Rwanda and knew of the tragedy and how it was allowed to happen by the entire western world. I was amazed at how this happened in my life time and yet I really knew nothing of it until this year. How does one live in a world where this can happen and not know anything about it? I also realized that while this only happened eleven years ago, that I was only thirteen and was probably too interested in the things of a young teen girl, such as boys and friends.

Upon realizing this I have felt slightly less guilty for my lack of knowledge on such a major event in our history, and yet I can’t help but think that it is this kind of justification that made the entire world turn their collective heads as nearly a million innocent people were murdered, when Rwandan’s turned on their neighbors, literally the people who they had grown up with and lived with their entire lives. Is it really ok to say “Oh that is not my problem,” or “I was only a child, it isn’t my fault I didn’t know any better?” Is our human existence so detached from one another that we will not aid those who are truly in need, when we see no immanent threat to ourselves? What does it mean to share the planet with others? Are we going to claim as Cain did, “I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?” Or will we rise with humanity and grasp to aid and lift one another from despair and sorrow in whatever capacity we can?

While reading I wondered what does it mean to be humane? There is more to humanity that simply not committing atrocities upon our brethren. We should be doing all that we can in order to stop other when they are committing them as well. It is certainly not humane for us to sit back and observe the gross violations of human rights that happen almost daily and say, “There is nothing that I can do. They are half a world away.” It is true there is so little that we can do as individuals from with in our limited view and sphere, but one person can be the factor of change in a world. One person can influence many to do that which is good, or that which is evil, as manifested in Rwanda. As we live our lives we should be looking for ways that we can serve others to better their lives and to bring peace and happiness to them in their bleakest hours.

How does you rebuild after such horrible crimes against humanity have been committed against you? How do you go on knowing that tomorrow could be that day that it is your turn to be killed? How do you rebuild your life after it has been shattered and your family has been slaughtered? There are many people dealing with these questions today. It takes a long time for the healing to take place, if it ever will, and I don’t see how anyone could ever forget the pains that they suffered. In his book, Philip Gourevitch asks himself the question “Is there any hope for this place?” he answers it with a quote that was given to him by Paul Rusesabagina, a survivor of the genocide, “With my countrymen-Rwandans-you never know what they will become tomorrow.”

I don’t know the answer to this question of humanity. All that I do know is that I hope that through out my life I am an able to make a change for the better, even if it is just in one person’s life, and to help them realize that they are loved by God, even when they feel totally alone and forgotten. Perhaps this is the answer to the question; knowing that we are all beloved children of God, and that he desires for us all to be happy, maybe this is how we can solve the hatred and cruelty that is so prevalent in the world today. If we can take the time to realize that we each have the right to live and to experience all the good that life has to offer, maybe then we could live together in a state of Utopia.